Domestic Abuse

Domestic abuse refers to abusive behaviours which take place between two people who are personally connected to each other. Domestic abuse can include a wide range of abusive behaviour. It can happen to anyone; partners, ex-partners, family members; regardless of sexuality, gender, religion, orientation, race, background or upbringing. Domestic abuse can occur across generations and it affects all age groups, including elderly people.

Men, women and children can all experience domestic abuse, and perpetrators can be male or female, though women are disproportionately affected by domestic abuse and the majority of perpetrators are men.

DOMESTIC ABUSE IS NEVER THE FAULT OF THE PERSON WHO IS EXPERIENCING IT.

DOMESTIC ABUSE CAN TAKE ON MANY FORMS SUCH AS:

Physical abuse – This includes any kind of threat of violence, it does not just have to be hitting, you may be restrained by your partner or have things thrown at you. They may shove or pinch you and claim it is a ‘joke’.

Economical abuse – This involves a perpetrator using or misusing money which leads to them controlling their partners current and future actions as well as their freedom of choice.

Mental abuse – A way to control another person by using emotions to criticise, embarrass, shame, blame and manipulate another person.

Emotional abuse – This can be subtle and deceptive or explicit and manipulative, either way it chips away at a victims’ self-esteem and they start doubting their perceptions and feelings.

Coercive control – A pattern of intimidation, degradation, isolation and control with the use or threat of physical or sexual violence.

Sexual abuse – Any sexual act that a person did not consent to or is forced into against their will, including unsafe sex and degrading sexual activity.

Female genital mutilation – A collective term for a range of procedures involving partial or total removal of the external female genitalia for non-medical reasons.

Digital/online abuse – Modern technology gives perpetrators increasing ways to stalk, isolate and control their victims through the tools of everyday life.

Honour based abuse – An incident or crime committed to defend or protect the ‘honour’ of the family and community.

Forced marriage – A form of honour-based abuse. It is when one or both people who do not, or cannot consent to the marriage and are forced into it.

LEARN ABOUT BARRIERS TO LEAVING

It takes a great deal of courage to leave someone who controls and intimidates you. Women often attempt to leave several times before making the final break. Women are at the greatest risk of homicide at the point of separation or after leaving a violent partner.

Safety - They may be fearful of what the abuser will do to them and the children if they leave or attempt to leave.

Lack of self-confidence - They may believe it is their fault and that they deserve the abuse. They may fear they would never find anyone else if they left.

Denial - They convince themselves that “it’s not that bad”.

Shame - They are embarrassed about people finding out.

Guilt - The abuser makes the victim believe that they are to blame for the  actions of the abuser.

Financial dependence - The victim may not be able to support themselves and their children independently.

Loyalty - The victim may be loyal to the abuser regardless of their actions.

Hope - The victim believes that things will improve with time. They believe they can make the abuser change.

Lack of support - The victim does not know who to turn to.

Pressure - Family and friends pressurise the victim to stay and ‘make it work’.

Religious/community beliefs - The victim is under pressure not to break up the family.

Love - Despite the abuse, they still love the abuser.

Jekyll and Hyde - The abuser switches between charm and rage; the victim thinks, ‘they are not always like this’.

Intimidation - The abuser threatens to take the children or pets away.

Gender roles - The victim might normalise the abuser's behaviour because of their gender – ‘that’s how men / women are’. A woman may believe it’s the woman’s role to put the needs of others first, for example.

Immigration - If the victim has insecure immigration status, they may fear being deported.

Mental Health - Victims defend their partners saying they have mental health issues, quite often PTSD or similar and that this is a key factor for them remaining in the relationship. 

Very Brief Intervention

Ask

Remember, you may be the first person to whom a person discloses their abuse. This may be their only opportunity to access support. It is critical that you listen to them, believe them, and that you are non-judgemental and respond safely and appropriately. The below information is designed to support you in that engagement process:

  • Create a safe space.
  • Make sure you speak in private. Make it clear you won’t judge. Only then will they feel safe enough to open up.
  • Is there anything you want to talk about? Is everything OK at home?”
  • Take them seriously. Listen. Believe them.
  • Tell them it’s not their fault.
  • Tell them nothing they can do justifies abuse.
  • Don’t ask why they haven’t left or judge their choices. Instead, build confidence and focus on strengths.
  • They may have been deliberately isolated. Say that there are solutions.
  • Encourage them to contact domestic abuse services to obtain support and find out about rights and options.
  • For a woman, leaving is the most dangerous time; it is important they seek specialist support if planning to leave.

Spotting the signs and questions

Is your partner jealous and possessive?

Are they charming one minute and abusive the next?

Do they tell you what to wear, where to go, who to see?

Do they constantly put you down?

Do they play mind games and make you doubt your judgement?

Do they control your money, or make sure you are dependent on them for everyday things?

Do they pressure you to have sex when you don’t want to?

Are you starting to walk on eggshells to avoid making them angry?

Do they control your access to medicine, devices or care that you need? 

Do they monitor or track your movements or messages?

Do they use anger and intimidation to frighten and control you?

Assist

LOCAL SERVICES

Police officers have specific duties to support and protect victims and children experiencing, or at risk of, domestic abuse. You should ensure you understand your duties, and the policies and procedures your force has in place to recognise abuse and support victims.

In Humberside Police we have dedicated Domestic Abuse Safeguarding and Investigation Teams (DASIT). However, depending on the details and the level of risk associated with the reported incident, investigations may be allocated to the Protecting Vulnerable People (PVP) teams, other prisoner processing teams, or patrol.

Where there are local domestic abuse units, these are listed under local resources alongside other domestic abuse support services.

Act

NATIONAL SERVICES

If you are in danger, please dial 999 immediately or 101 in a non-emergency.

If you're unable to speak when you dial 999, use 'The Silent Solution': Wait for the operator to speak and type 55 on your keypad. This will alert the operator that you need help.

Refuge - National Domestic Abuse Helpline 

Providing advice and support for women and children, against domestic violence. If you are seeking immediate support please call, support can be provided in many different languages including BSL. Any messages you send won’t leave any trace on your email and they won’t leave voicemails when calling back for safety reasons.

Telephone: 0808 200 0247 – 24 Hours

Website: Homepage - National Domestic Abuse Helpline (nationaldahelpline.org.uk)

Women's Aid

A national charity working to end domestic abuse against women and children. They provide online help and support to women and children suffering domestic abuse, help to access refuge accommodation, outreach services and Independent Domestic Violence Advocacy (IDVA).

Email: helpline@womensaid.org.uk

Live chat: Live Chat | Women's Aid Live Chat (womensaid.org.uk)

Website: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/

Technology Safety - A Toolkit for Survivors

Resources on this website explore technology in the context of intimate partner violence, sexual assault, and violence against women. To talk to someone who can answer your questions and support you, call the National Domestic Abuse helpline. Information includes:

  • Safety tips, information, and privacy strategies for survivors on the use of technology
  • Spyware and Stalkerware information
  • Smartphones - Increasing privacy & responding to abuse
  • Tips on being webwise when sharing personal information online

Website: https://www.techsafety.org/resources-survivors

Men's Advice Line

A confidential helpline, run by Respect, for men experiencing domestic violence from a partner or ex-partner (or from other family members). Their focus is to increase the safety of men experiencing domestic abuse (and the safety of their children).

Telephone: 0808 801 0327

Website: http://www.mensadviceline.org.uk/

Galop-LGBT+ Domestic Abuse Helpline

The Helpline Team has extensive experience in supporting LGBT+ people who are victims of domestic abuse, sexual violence, hate crime, so-called conversion therapies, honour-based abuse, forced marriage, and other forms of abuse. Professionals can also contact this number for advice. 

Telephone: 0800 999 5428 

Website: Galop - the LGBT+ anti-abuse charity

Rights of Women - helping women through their rights in law

They give free legal advice and information to women in England and Wales on a wide range of issues including domestic violence, child contact, sexual violence and the criminal justice process, immigration and asylum, sexual harassment at work as well as other legal issues arising from relationship breakdown.

Telephone: 020 7490 0152 – Monday 3pm-5pm, Tuesday and Wednesday 6pm-8pm

Website: Sexual harassment at work - Rights of WomenRights of Women

Respect

Respect offer a confidential and anonymous helpline offering advice, information, and support for anyone concerned about their violence and/or abuse towards a partner or ex-partner of either sex.

Telephone: 0808 802 4040

Website: respectphoneline.org.uk

Relate

Relate can help you with pressing concerns that are affecting your relationships. This could be with your partner, a child, a family member, or friend. The service offers relationship counselling for partners and individuals, sex therapy, family counselling and counselling for children and young people.  

However, they do not offer services for  

• Individuals or couples where there are pending or actual prosecutions for domestic abuse or orders preventing them from contacting their partner.

• Couple or individual counselling where one partner is undertaking a domestic abuse perpetrator programme.

• Counselling to couples or individuals where there are current or pending childcare legal proceedings.

Part of the individual assessment process is always to screen for any ‘live’ abuse in the relationship where couples or co-parents want to attend sessions together. Where they have concerns, they will not proceed with joint sessions.  

Contact us: Find your Centre | Relate

Website: Home | Relate

Victim Support

Victim Support provide emotional and practical help to people who have been affected by domestic abuse in Devon and Cornwall. They are independent charity, and you can contact them regardless of whether you’ve contacted the police, and no matter how long ago the crime took place.

Telephone: 

    National 0808 1689 111- 24 Hours  

    Humberside: 0800 368 7586 Mon-Fri 8am-6pm 

Website: https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/ 

Clare's Law

Officially known as the Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme (DVDS), this scheme enables the police to release information about an individual’s history of violence or abuse. Under Clare's Law you can: 

  •  Apply for information about your current or ex-partner if you are worried they may have a history of abuse and are a risk to you 
  •  Request information about the current or ex-partner of a friend or relative because you are worried, they might be at risk 

This can be requested either by attending your local police station, or online via the link – 

Request information under Clare's Law: Make a Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme (DVDS) application | Police.uk (www.police.uk) 

Please note: The Clare’s Law (DVDS) scheme does not replace: Disclosure and Barring Service (DBS) checks, Subject Access Requests (SAR) or Freedom of Information (FOI) requests. 

 

FOR PERPETRATORS / THOSE WHO HARM SEEKING HELP TO STOP: 

CARA (Cautioning and Relationship Abuse):

CARA (Cautioning and Relationship Abuse): is an early intervention programme for male perpetrators of intimate partner domestic abuse and is delivered as part of a conditional caution. It is designed to challenge abusive behaviour, reduce repeat offending, and support victim safety. CARA should be considered in cases of male offender/female victim intimate partner domestic abuse which is assessed as standard risk, where both parties are aged 18 or over, the offender is suitable for a conditional caution and this is the offenders first domestic abuse offence or they have no convictions or cautions for domestic abuse in the last two years.  

Victim safeguarding and support is required as they will be contacted as part of the programme to assess ongoing risk and offer further support. Full eligibility criteria and referral guidance can be found on the link below.  

CARA (Cautioning and Relationship Abuse) - TLC: Talk, Listen, Change 


Domestic Violence Assist | DV ASSIST

DV Assist is the UK's only registered charity specialising exclusively in arranging Non-Molestation Orders, Prohibited Steps Orders & Occupation Orders.

They provide free legal advice and support to help individuals obtain these protection orders, ensuring those in need are protected regardless of their financial circumstances, race, gender or sexual orientation  

Local Support and Contact Details