Bereavement

Bereavement affects everyone in different ways. People can experience any range of emotions; there is no right or wrong way to feel, and equally there is no time limit on grief. How people come to terms and adjust to their loss will be entirely individual.  

Grief and bereavement can significantly affect a person’s mental health. Dealing with different emotions can be overwhelming; they may be difficult to process and leave people feeling unable to cope, fearful or anxious.

Professionals are not immune from the experiences of grief and bereavement. An individual may be dealing with death and subsequently affected by an end-of-life experience as part of their day-to-day work. In these situations, it can be helpful for people to take time to come to terms with what they have witnessed and experienced, through a debrief with colleagues and a period of reflection.

Supporting other people

Sometimes it can be difficult to know how to support someone who is grieving, with a fear of ‘saying the wrong thing’. One of the most helpful things you can do is to listen.

Whether you know the person as a friend, family member, work colleague or a stranger, simply letting them know you are there for them and giving them the space and opportunity to talk about how they are feeling can be extremely helpful.

Supporting children and young people with bereavement

Children and young people experience the same sorts of feelings as adults when someone dies but they may express them differently.

When engaging with children around bereavement, try to use clear and simple language according to their age. Try to avoid language such as “gone away” or “lost” as this can be confusing; it is clearer to say someone “has died”. 

Children are likely to have lots of questions and might be anxious in these uncertain times.  They will likely be picking up on changes in emotions within the family, they may be hearing conversations with others, or may be seeing stories in the news or on social media which cause confusion and / or fear. It is important that you are open and honest with them about what is happening. Reassure them that you are there to listen and support them. 

Further information about grief in children and young people is available on the Cruse Bereavement Care website Children, young people and grief - Cruse Bereavement Support

National resources

National Bereavement Service

Most people will have to take responsibility for all the practical arrangements after a death, at least once in their lives. For others, it can be many more times. In any circumstance, loss is a difficult and often distressing time.

The National Bereavement Service offers practical and emotional support to guide you through what needs to be done. We can introduce the bereaved to trusted partner organisations in both private and charitable sectors, as well as provide information on the statutory requirements following loss, such as the registration of death and probate.

Tel: 0800 0246 121   Website: https://thenbs.org/

Cruse

Cruse offers advice and information about types of support, where to get it, and help supporting other people. They also have a telephone helpline and webchat service enabling people to talk about how they are feeling Home - Cruse Bereavement Support.

 Supporting other people - Cruse Bereavement Support

Mind

The charity Mind has a wealth of information about different types of bereavement, where to go for support and suggestions for helping yourself and others Support and self-care for grief - Mind. This includes a dedicated section with information on Losing someone to suicide - Mind

  Age UK

 Bereavement - Find support with coping | Age UK

Very Brief Intervention

Ask

How are things today?
How are you feeling at the moment?
Would you like to talk about <person's name> with me?

What have you been doing to make yourself feel better?

What more would you like to do or do more of that would help?
What would feel comforting to you now?

Assist

Acknowledge the loss and don't avoid contact. It's understandable to feel uncomfortable speaking about death or other losses, or to worry that you might say the wrong thing, but staying silent or not contacting somebody after their bereavement can often make feelings of isolation and sadness worse. Reaching out to the bereaved person so that they know you are available to talk and listen if they would like to can be incredibly helpful.

Consider how best to be in contact. There are different ways to grieve and there are different ways to communicate after a loss too. Receiving text messages may be easier for somebody to manage than returning calls. Dropping in to see them in person may be welcome for some but may be an inconvenience for others. It is worth asking the person what they'd prefer rather than making assumptions.

Give them space. Not wanting to spend lots of time with other people or feeling guilty at not acknowledging messages could be an additional burden for a grieving person, so it can be worth letting them know they can respond whenever they feel able, or simply send them a message to let them know you are thinking of them and that no response is needed. Adapting to life after a loss can take a long time and people should be allowed the space to process their emotions for as long as they need. It is useful if you can strike a balance between contacting them so that they do not feel isolated but also giving them space. Again, asking them what they need is a good idea.

Talk about the person who died. When a person dies it can feel like they are erased from people's memories. While you may fear that talking about the deceased person will just bring up painful feelings, many people actually appreciate the opportunity to talk a bit about the memory of the person, finding this a comfort and a way of integrating the memory of the person who has died into their life, rather than pushing memories away. "What's your favourite memory of [the person who has died]?" or "Tell me about a time [the person who has died] made you laugh" can be useful.

Focus on listening. Try to respect what the bereaved person is choosing to share with you and focus on listening rather than finding out more. Give the bereaved person space to open up if they want to, while also being sensitive if they would rather not take it further.

Focus on the bereaved person. Try to keep the focus on the bereaved person rather than coming back to your own feelings about the loss. Unless you have your own experience of bereavement it may not be helpful to make comparisons with your own experiences.

Help them seek additional support. Supporting someone who is bereaved can be hard work and it is worth exploring what other options for support are out there. If they are ready and interested, help them explore additional support options, such as those listed in the ACT section.

Support following a suicide

Similarly, it can be difficult to find the right words when trying to support someone who is bereaved by suicide, but by asking the bereaved person what they feel will help we can offer vital support.

In addition to the above, you may also want to:

Be sensitive when discussing the death with others. Other people around the family or friendship group may not know about the death so it can be useful to think about and agree how best to talk about what has happened, what details are appropriate to disclose, and with whom.

Use non-stigmatising language. When referring to suicide try to use words like "died by suicide" or "took their life", rather than the outdated expression "committed suicide", which dates back to when suicide used to be a crime.

Avoid speculating about the suicide. Suggesting or speculating about explanations for a suicide could make somebody feel blamed and also risks over-simplifying what causes suicide.

Act

Give reassurances that there are lots of sources of support and help your bereaved person make contact with sources of support.

If you are worried that this person is in crisis, please see section for Suicide Prevention

If no immediate risk take the following steps:

Encourage and support them to contact:

National Bereavement Service

Most people will have to take responsibility for all the practical arrangements after a death, at least once in their lives. For others, it can be many more times. In any circumstance, loss is a difficult and often distressing time.

The National Bereavement Service offers practical and emotional support to guide you through what needs to be done. We can introduce the bereaved to trusted partner organisations in both private and charitable sectors, as well as provide information on the statutory requirements following loss, such as the registration of death and probate.

Tel: 0800 0246 121   Website: https://thenbs.org/

Cruse

Cruse offers advice and information about types of support, where to get it, and help supporting other people. They also have a telephone helpline and webchat service enabling people to talk about how they are feeling Home - Cruse Bereavement Support.

 Supporting other people - Cruse Bereavement Support

Mind

The charity Mind has a wealth of information about different types of bereavement, where to go for support and suggestions for helping yourself and others Support and self-care for grief - Mind. This includes a dedicated section with information on Losing someone to suicide - Mind

Age UK

Bereavement - Find support with coping | Age UK

Child Bereavement UK

Child Bereavement UK helps families to rebuild their lives when a child grieves or when a child dies. We support children and young people (up to the age of 25) when someone important to them has died or is not expected to live, and parents and the wider family when a baby or child of any age dies or is dying.  

Tel: 0800 02 888 40  Website: https://www.childbereavementuk.org/

SELF CARE 

  • Encourage the person to contact their GP. Their GP will be able support the person in many ways
  • Mind 'The charity for better mental health' has an extensive range of self help resources available
  • The NHS have has a range of self-help tools available
  • Andy's Man Club provides a weekly talking group, a place for men to come together in a safe environment to talk about issues/problems they be have faced or currently been facing.  Meetings take place regularly in different locations across the region, where applicable these can be found in the local support and contact details section.
  • For Men -CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer accredited, confidential and free support to men anywhere in the UK through a helpline and web and webchat service.  They talk through any issue with you and offer support, advice and signposting.
  • Qwell - Free, safe and anonymous mental wellbeing support for adults across the UK
  • Kooth - is your online mental wellbeing community. Access free, safe and anonymous support, for 11-25 year olds

Every Mind Matters

‘Every Mind Matters’ is the first national mental health campaign from Public Health England

  • It’s an NHS-approved digital hub full of expert advice and practical tips to achieve good mental health
  • It also has a free NHS-approved online tool - ‘Your Mind Plan’ to help us:
  • deal with stress
  • boost our mood
  • improve our sleep
  • feel more in control.

Search online for 'Every Mind Matters'

https://www.nhs.uk/oneyou/every-mind-matters/

Support Services - Adults

Adults can self-refer to Improving Access to Psychological Therapies (IAPT) services. IAPT is a national NHS programme, which offers evidence based psychological therapies or interventions approved by the National Institute of Health and Clinical Excellence (NICE). IAPT is primarily for treating people with mild to moderate mental health issues such as anxiety disorders, depression and post-traumatic stress disorder.

IAPT treatments are delivered via a stepped care model where patients are initially offered low intensity therapies, such as computerised cognitive behavioural therapy (cCBT) and guided self-help. If these treatments are unsuccessful, or not appropriate for individuals, higher intensity therapies are utilised and include one to one cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) or interpersonal therapy (IPT). Please see local support and contact details for further information.

Support Services - Veterans

Veterans Combat Stress is the UK's leading mental health charity for veterans. They offer free, confidential 24-hour support to Service and ex-Service personnel who are experiencing mental health issues, including feeling suicidal.

Tel: 0800 138 1619

Web: https://www.combatstress.org.uk/help-you

Support Services - Perinatal

PANDAS Foundation

The PANDAS Foundation is here to help support and advise any parent who is experiencing a perinatal mental illness. We are also here to inform and guide family members, carers, friends and employers as to how they can support someone who is suffering.

Tel: 0843 2898401 (0900 - 2000 hrs, 7 days per week)

Web: http://www.pandasfoundation.org.uk/

Support Services - Carers

The Carers Trust

It is important that you take care of your own health, even if you are busy looking after someone else's health.  Being healthy is not only important for you, but it also helps the person you care after too.  The website contains some helpful guides on relationship management and information on self-care and respite care.

Web: https://carers.org/article/taking-care-yourself

Support Services - Children and Young People

Children and Young People can contact the 'The Mix which is a leading support service that can help young people to take on any challenge they are facing - from mental health to money, from homelessness to finding a job, from break-ups to drugs. 

For Parents

YoungMinds run a free, confidential parents helpline, which parents/careers can call if they are worried about how a child or young person is feeling or behaving.  They also run a group called Parents Say, for parents whose children are accessing Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services.

Web: https://youngminds.org.uk/

Local Support and Contact Details